Saturday, January 8, 2011
How I Used To Pray
Please help me to be much better, to never snap at others when I am frustrated, to not need rest, to gather every person in the entire world to you. May my arms never become weak from the weight of this burden. May I be perfect and proud of my perfection.
I would like a just-the-right-size house (no flies indoors, ever), a porch swing, a painted door that doesn't peel, a welcome mat, and a quaint garden without any bees.
I want to be free from disease and disorder. I want to have an esteemed career. I want others to constantly praise my efforts. God, may I never be interrupted but may I never become lonely, may I be graceful and stunningly beautiful, may I have excellent posture and silky-soft, shining hair.
God, why aren't you granting all of my wishes? Am I doing something wrong? Should I ask in different words?
The preachers on TV say all I need to do is ask and I'll receive. That I should ask for perfect blessings in every area of life.
Excessive desires form a void that is never satisfied. And so now I gaze upon the Source of blessings, rather than the blessings themselves. I think of how I have a friendship with God and that God and I need to have more conversations. I desire intimacy with God, a closeness, more than the fulfillment of pleasures.
While petitions soothe a worried spirit and it is not healthy to suppress the desires that we already have, I intend to always place God above my desires for comfort. Now, I know that while I may not always instantly receive what I desire, something even more satisfying than my finite dreams has been dreamed up for me by Love itself. That Love itself is the hand I can squeeze, the truest comfort.