Thursday, March 10, 2011

My Jesus

I wasn't seeking God. In fact, it was just the opposite. I had been hiding from Him, as if by covering my eyes, He would cease to exist.

The day came when He slowly moved my hands away from my eyes and took them in His.  He said to me, "Would you like to spend your life running from me? You can pretend I'm not here, but that doesn't make me any less real."

It wasn't the judgment of pretending that He wasn't real that made me want to acknowledge Him. It wasn't the threat of hell or suffering that made me not want to let go.  It was the quiet love I felt in His hands that would only deepen in time.  It was what had always been-- His incredible kindness and promise of friendship-- that made me want to make Him happy.

Bedroom windows open, I stood barefoot and breathed in the smell of summer air when this song began to play on my radio station.  It spoke of the Love I had been wanting that I had been seeking in other people. (I did not realize at the time that I would be disappointed again and again, for this high a pedestal is not meant for a person.) Completely reliable, passionate, meaningful Love was beginning to illuminate.

the song that helped me make sense of it

It began as a tiny seed, a small spark, and from there it blossomed and intensified through prayer, carefully reading the Scripture, and learning from others who share this Love.


  1. "I did not realize at the time that I would be disappointed again and again, for this high a pedestal is not meant for a person." -- that is a powerful conclusion and so true. I've often thought about how much of my life's desires are transfered onto others when only in the divine will I find release and substance.

  2. The sentence Ab quoted above resonated with me too. My pastor often talks of our tendency to expect things like money or relationships to carry a weight they're not able to bear. Only God can.

  3. This post reminds me of the poem "The Hound of Heaven"--if I recall correctly, by Francis Thompson. A classic.

  4. Your post reminds me how God pursues us even at our worst.:) Thank you :D

  5. What a beautiful story! Thank you.

  6. It is interesting how we hear songs or read something at the time when we most need them. I can only say it is God at work!
    Thank you for sharing this story! :)

  7. I like the gentle way you came to know God's presence.

  8. my sweet Jade, this post truly moved me, and melted my heart... He's amazing, isn't He? all the time...

  9. Jade, you are truly blessed. So many people go through their lives without their eyes ever opening to the love. It's all about love, as you so beautifully say. It's not about fear, punishment, hell, etc. It's a love story, an eternal love story....and you have experienced that in your heart. Thanks.

  10. Ab, Glad you could come to a similar observation. :)

    Laurel, exactly! Turning to these things only brings temporary relief.

    liv2write2day, The poem's title sounds vaguely familiar. I'll have to check that out.

    faithandres, Right :), I suppose part of us has to be somewhat receptive. It's a surprising thing.

    Claire, Thank you!

    Melee, Isn't that amazing how God works that way? And thank you for reading and commenting. I enjoy your comments.

    Mary, :) Thanks.

    Haze, Aww I'm happy this post could move you in such a way. Thanks for following my blog, by the way.

    Me, Thanks :)

    Andie, "An eternal love story"~Such a fitting phrase! Thank you for your warm thoughts.

  11. I loved when you said, "I was hiding from him...but his quiet voice of love..."

    So beautiful, so true.

  12. This is a beautiful post, Jade. I can so relate!

  13. Jade,
    Thank you, this is a beautiful story! I used to hide from God too. When He revealed himself He was very gentle with me, too, and I realized there was no need for me to fear him.