Sunday, September 11, 2011

If I Had Wings and I Could Fly, Well, I'd Still Walk with You

How often we are angry with ourselves for not being exactly where we want to be in our spiritual lives.  At least I know I have desired to be walking with both feet in heaven, still here in this beautiful, imperfect world, longing to be walking with the feet of Jesus, when I really should be kneeling before him.  Surrendering myself to God has been the most rewarding decision I have made in my life, and the most difficult one at times.  Reading Matthew 18:21-35 this morning reveals to me the place I am walking towards in my life.  I will be present to God in each step forward I take to that place of purity.

Ten years after September 11th and I witness myself moving closer to forgiveness, yet there are many spots of sadness and fear in my heart.  I remember the blank feeling I had the day of the attacks, the disbelief, the factual journal entry I slowly wrote in my neat handwriting as I sat in my NYC high school classroom, the words devoid of emotion that would only surface later.  The anger I thought I was supposed to have came up in a poem I wrote that week, and then dissolved as God walked in, as I realized that the anger wasn't as true as the fear and sadness, the cinders of it still felt today.  "And how big is God compared to those cinders?"  Today I meditate on this question.

What I realize now is that the gospel wasn't written to keep us lost, but just the opposite-- to allow us to taste true freedom, fearlessness, and confidence.  It wasn't written to keep us guilty, but to steady us as we walk beside God who walks beside us and also ahead of us.  His forgiveness is large enough to reach us all, all we've done and have failed to do.  It gives voice to the thoughts and feelings we may be unable to express.  His is the well of forgiveness we draw from; it renews us as we drink a drop from it each day, until the day we meet face to face.

11 comments:

  1. The most common phrase Jesus uses in the Gospel - Do not be afraid.
    May he walk beside us until we all find freedom from fear.

    ReplyDelete
  2. God doesn't want us to fear or be sad over anything. Everything that happens to us is because He wanted it that way, so be happy with everything that God has given you !
    Jesus wants us to live life with only joy and happiness in our hearts, since He lives in it.
    May God bless you !

    ~ http://the-heaven-garden.blogspot.com

    ~ http://the-last-fairy-tale.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. First of all, the title you chose from this blog is powerful in its own right. I sat and thought about that for a bit before even reading the post.

    Second, I really liked the comment that the Gospel was written to give us freedom, fearlessness and confidence. I find my life much simpler and on-track when I stay close to it.

    God Bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great thoughts Jade. You always have a way of seeing through the 'stuff' to the essence of God's love.
    Andie

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you, Jade. I needed to read your thoughts this morning.

    I just received a rejection on a full and am feeling down. It helps to remember that it's in God's hands, and that I need to trust in God's timing.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Jade, thank you for saying the things I needed to hear. Please, don't stop talking to my heart. You inspire me. xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm with haze. You always have words of wisdom I need to be told and reminded of, and jewels of insight I need to be shown.

    I love the title [and picture]; it's such a touching thought.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is so beautifully written Jade, one of my favourite posts of yours I think. You have wondeful insight, very mature.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jade, you have such a beautiful heart...and blog.
    Regarding 9/11, I felt so small that day...even though my heart already belonged to my Redeemer, the large-scale evil and catastrophic loss of life drove me to my knees. As a mother, I questioned what the future would look like for my children as I was faced with the knowledge that there are many that desire my children have no future. It was hard emotionally. But the Lord faithfully reminded me that He is still in control and it is He that holds the future of my children...not me, not a terrorist, and not even themselves.
    Thanks for clicking over to my site.
    You always bring a smile :-) to my face!
    Blessings, Julie

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you, all! You are angels.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Such encouraging and inspiring writing, Jade! Thank you for the reminder of God's awesome forgiveness and love!

    ReplyDelete